112: "tudung dan saya" [part two]

Ini sambungan dari ini

Dalam aku mencari2 diri..tiba2 datang ini:

Then came the affordable hair-straightening. It was also my time to continue my studies abroad; in New Zealand. Finally, my neck's free. But the problem was, i was actually more towards showing off my "beautiful" hair; instead of free-ing my neck. pfft.

tahun gila.

Kalau perangai aku buruk dengan tudung, apatah lagi tanpa tudung. I was becoming worse. I know I was still finding my way 'home'. Somehow I was lost. Again.

Hati tetap kosong. Minda tercari2.

Sebenarnya aku cukup beruntung kerana ketika di sekolah menengah aku duduk di asrama dan dikelilingi kawan2 yang baik2 belaka. dan kami di latih membuat 'rutin' yang sepatutnya membuat aku seorang insan yang berguna. Solat 5 waktu dan ibadat2 lain; berbaik2 sesama orang; dan berfikir.

tapi semenjak aku tinggalkan sekolah itu; aku susah untuk teruskan rutin2 itu. tapi syukur aku masih berfikir. Aku terus mencari. Sampai di New Zealand, sekali lagi aku bersyukur aku ditemukan seorang rakan yang sentiasa mengingatkan aku pada Dia. But still, I was empty. I got into more tangles. Sambung sampai lah aku balik Malaysia.

2007-2009 adalah antara tahun2 yang aku gila. Tapi aku masih mencari.


Meanwhile, I was continuing my studies by entering the practicum phase. I taught in a school in KL for 3 months. Little did I know that I would find my trigger there.


That was the scene that pushed me more to question myself and my belief. The kid; 13 years old decided to ask me the question I had been asking myself too (dlm tidak sedar), the question was: "...why arent you wearing tudung like the other Muslim teachers?"

and I answered: (dalam keadaan tersentak tapi pura2 cool) "I chose not to"
then I left.

Actually wearing tudung represents all the other things that are demanded by Islam. Solat 5 waktu, Puasa, Zakat, berbaik2, memperbaiki diri dan mendekatkan diri kepada Tuhan.

Kalau kau tidak pernah bertanya kenapa diri kau kenapa tidak buat semua itu, hati kau mungkin sakit. lagi sakit dari hati aku yang memang dah sakit tenat pun masa itu.

soalan itu aku bawa sampai pulang sabah.
Aku rindu Allah. Macam semua orang lain juga. Cuma ramai yang tidak sedar yang mereka sedang merindu.

Jadi aku cuba selangkah kembali. By wearing my tudung

But ofcourse, it wasnt easy at all.

I wore it for the first time in years. While I was driving, I went crazy with the uneasiness. But I begged Him, Ya Allah, bagi lah aku pakai tudung, kurangkan lah ke-geli-an ini..
And suddenly I could distract myself from the feeling and focus on my driving.
After awhile, I accepted the fact. Most of the time I still could go crazy over the geli2-an, but I try to control it.

Yang penting itu satu langkah ke hadapan.

Then He let my husband and I meet and wed. I am happy. I am now for one man and one man only. my beauty is only for him.

And we both are still finding our way towards Him. together. Helping each other.

110: comic "tudung dan saya"

Aku bukan mau buka pekung di dada.
I only hope that this story can trigger some thoughts and maybe ignite some sense into who ever that's reading this.

Ini cerita pasal "tudung dan saya"

Aku mulakan dengan cerita masa kanak2.

that's my siblings and I in mommy's old yellow van.. Me sitting in front sebelah mama. We really liked to stick out our heads and feel the wind. Tapi aku lain sikit. I couldnt stand the wind blowing through my neck. until i was forced to cover my neck while going crazy against the wind heheh

okay. so, as I was growing up, I did not wear the tudung. I would only tie my hair; the hair did not bring any trouble back then. That is how I would look like through out my primary school years, until..

I got into a boarding school for my secondary education. I had to wear tudung. Aku tau itu adalah tuntutan agama. Tapi masa itu; I still hadn't really get it. you know. hmm

jadi aku begini:

But, *refer to picture kids in old-yellow-van*, it was not an easy thing to do for a person like me. Geli leher wey. teruk.

teruk macam mana?

the uneasiness that i felt could lead me to keep on looking down, my chin almost kept on sticking on my neck, or I would cover it (my neck) with my my hands, which at times would stress me out..kadang2 sampai aku sakit kepala.. :|

tu gambar x-ray.

Oleh sebab itu...

I wore tudung at my high school, but I took it off while I was back home in Sandakan.

Mak pun slalu tanya: "bila mau pakai tudung bagus2?"

tapi aku saja yang faham pasal 'penyakit' geli ni..

To be honest, I didnt want to take off my tudung because of my hair. Because, as you can see below: this was my real hair. back then.

Yep. the lion hair. Sebenarnya, aku selalu mengejutkan orang di asrama aku bila aku bangun pagi dengan wajah ini.

"In a way, I realized that I wore tudung because I wana hide the lion-hair. When actually I was dying to take it off...and because it's a 'must'.."

Jadi, that was what happened. Wearing tudung became only a habit. And because my hair was getting worse as I grew older, I always had my hair as a bun to hide the ugliness of it. Sampai my younger sister asked me, "why do you always have to look like a nanny?"

bongok.

ya..ia jadi habit.

A meaningless habit.

I know it was a meaningless habit because wearing tudung didnt stop me from doing evil things... :'(

dan hati aku menjadi kosong...kosong. *dan sesungguhnya, aku tau, dari sekolah lagi, fitrah manusia punya hati pasti rindu pada Penciptanya..aku masih terus mencari-cari*

[to be continued]

****************************************************

okay. aku penat. nanti aku akan sambung next time yah. meanwhile, aku mau tunjuk W.I.P ini:

seventy nine: love-related (AGAIN????)

these were the ones i draw on monday (masa paper 3 chemistry heheh) but didnt get to upload it

bf related bragging sessions r sometimes not suitable (bimbo girl still make [^^,] face)

"our love was lost...but now we founddd it~~ our love was lost, ooouuu oohhh and hope was gonee..." yea sing it!!

I've been meaning to draw the other way around jugak (lelaki hensem, perempuan huduh) tp x sempat, masa dah habis..hehehe

{meanwhile}

Draw EVERYTHING you possibly can whenever you can. Also, learn anatomy and perspective. Style is not an excuse for shoddy fundamentals, so learn the rules before you break them. Also, the public library is your friend. Check out some books on drawing and never stop studying. Keep in mind that artistic prowess takes YEARS to develop and although talent helps, it is NOTHING without determination, practice, and hard work. Never give up."

- Kevin Bolk, 2010

thank you friend

...n all of the (very few) followers...i stalk...every--n each--one--of--you.....

bwahahaha *evil laf*

seventy six: "CINTA"

Don't you think so? I think a lot of people has compare love to drugs... i hate that it's actually true. that when u love too much, there's just the possibility that you could 'kill' or 'destroy' yourself.

"berpada-pada la bila bercinta" Mak Timah kata.

and thank you azah skaliskala for giving me this award...

Nama blog korang dan kenapa letak nama tu:

Garisgarishalus: sbb aku rs suma lukisan cuma bermula daripada gari-garis halus.

Which is at one point, the name shows that nobody has the right to be too boastful of their work for they are just made of simple lines. At another point, it shows that those lines are about the artists themselves; their identity—thus they should be glad that God has given them something to be thankful of. All Praises to Allah.

5 Perkara yang korang suka:
1 – melukis-lukis
2 – melihat-lihat (muvi/artwork org laen/tabiat & sikap org di jalanan)
3 – berjalan-jalan (terutamanya di tmpt2 hijau & sejuk)
4 – mendengar musik
5 – membaca (sikit-sikit, sbb ada short-attention span)

5 Perkara yang korang tak suka:
1 – org-org yg suka boast
2 – org-org yg menghina org laen dgn keterlaluan
3 – cliché yang dibangga-banggakan
4 – migraine & suma penyebabnya
5 – diri sendiri yg terkini. Aku mau jadi lebih baik.

Tag:
ak tataw ramai sgt dlm dunia blogger ni..so, hentam
korg nak buat, buat la, xnak pun xpa..:D
hanis manis (idea suma best n colorful)
asyraf (slh sorang kwn baek ak)
ejat (pengiat seni jugak)
bloodseeker (idea mcm air tak pernah putus, best)
budakpoyo (ak suka tulisan n komik simple dia)

ps: setakat ni ni la entry plg byk tulis2. ak cuba elak menda ni tapi xpala :D aku ni pemalas n pelupa tp naseb baek ada org sudi nak push n ingatkan aku yeyeyy

seventy five: high/big ambitions

i'm telling u, this happened in real life.

the first frame was inspired by a form 4 kid, the second and third by a 13 year old. i just mixed 'em up to show a more ridiculous mind set of a child.

and he wasn't kidding to be a robber.

seventy four: *slap* sugarplum

i had forgotten that i used to really like drawing ugly stuffs back then. Not that my current drawings are any better or more beautiful/cute. watever.

oh i was referring to the 'style'..

Leaves tell stories. Imagine that...how many stories are told when the wind is blowing; making the leaves sing...

Kilang hujan bawak cinta turun bersama-sama titik air.

all the spared trees are paranoid...they're afraid they'll get plucked soon like their friends.

seventy two: special edition sugarplum (IDU set)

[I] [D]ont [U]nderstand

i sometimes wish i could turn back time.

one

two

Like a punch through the head and a bullet through the heart.

yes. it hurts THAT much.

three

seventy one: what a waste

when i saw empty chairs and tables i cant help being sad...They really don't know what they'll miss by not attending this SugarPluM examinations. so saaadd...

yea. cool ppl go to school to get education and be awesome in life!

pardon me if my drawing can't really portray the importance of education. It is the door to infinite possibilities. Some of my students would say: "ala cikgu, ramai saja yg tidak pigi sekolah tapi jadi kaya raya" and so my reply would be "..." actually...i dont reply them. i just give them a smirk.

coz it's funny that; i've seen a living proof; someone who said those lines exactly; but he didnt become kaya raya?! now how can i make them understand?

"by foot it's a slow climb"

my point exactly. education can help u get a car for the climb to the top.

seventy: desperation on papers

you know there are times when you have so many ideas & so many 'important' things to say that you are desperate to put 'em on paper? So, even when you're standing & have only papers as big as half of your palm; so desperate that that would just do?

yeah.

this last part there, you know ppl used to say that teachers are like candles who burn themselves to light others' path? then suddenly ppl change their minds and say teachers nowadays dont do that anymore; supposedly this is a good thing 'cause ppl wana point out that teachers r very clever nowadays n even cleverer than teachers before.

but to me, its a shame that we arent candles anymore. i am ashamed of myself for not being able to be a candle that burn herself for the sake of the students. Because, if i could, i'd be one but still be fabulous in it...och, well, i think i just have to challenge myself to it! yeay i will work myself towards that challenge!!

sixty six: invigilating sugarplums and imaginations part two

yeah. here's the rest of the ugleyhh doodle i did while invigilating on the third day

RULES SOMETIMES SUCK, BUT IT'S WHAT EVERYONE NEEDS

Since I was in high-school, even though I was one of the trouble makers back then, I still believed that EVERYONE needs rules. we can't live rule-less.

That's why I hate this attitude--when, you know, you say "I DONT GIVE A F**K ABOUT ANYTHING" or "Imma DO ANYTHING I WANT" or "HEY THIS IS MMMYYYY LIFE, Imma DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH IT"...come on...grow up...

really..? you think being too-free is awesome? really?...

being fun is okay. just dont be annoying.

Here's a fun-fact. Do you know that boredom is actually caused by your own inability to entertain yourself?

oh, you do know that already? So..why are you--still---OK

SO just stop being bored and do something awesome.

*instead, goes online on facebook and put up a status saying: I'm bored..* ohh maiii....

I cant explain this.

People keep on asking mr. Mousy Mousy?

"why soo seriousss mr. Mousy Mousy?"

...He wasnt. He wasnt 'so serious'..he was just being him...and that's wrong becausee.....? everyone else is awesome except him because he's 'so serious'???

and so he did the wiggly dance. just to conform.

sixty five: invigilating sugarplums and imaginations

It's not holiday for me. SPM. invigilating.

Boredom will be my best-friend until this 20th of December. Yeay. And back-pain also. so this third day I sneak in a pen and an A4 paper folded 3 times and draw this.

It's true. I do. I am starting to hate doodling. Not the drawing part of doodling. But the part where it's aimless. It's just I can't be drawing while standing. I can only doodle.

QUICK! Finish it up!! Before your hand realize how pointless this doodle is!!

Nah. This is just too random that I didnt really think before I doodle. I disagree!

SPM stands for SugarPluM yeaaaa....guys and cats. so what. what's cuter with guys who love cats? nothing.

*past-self whispers*

yea yea..that was years ago. whatever.

Okayh. Maybe I'll continue this later. in the next post

sixty three: i love u

this is inspired by my niece. she'd say the three words like this:

" aiilapppmmmiuuuu"...